No BS. No Fridge Magnets. No Such Thing as a Bad Question.
HOMEROOM
A Weekly Advice Column from the BREL team.
October 10, 2024
Dear HOMEROOM,
My father passed away a few years ago, leaving my mom to deal with 40 years of memories and a house that’s WAY bigger than she needs.
She needs to move, but she starts to cry every time my brother and I bring it up. I know that the house reminds her of Dad. How do I help her move on?
– Mom Whisperer
The answer to this week’s HOMEROOM is thanks to Lisa Bednarski – Broker, BREL team Downsizing Expert, and first-born Capricorn daughter.
Dear Mom Whisperer,
This is a tough one. Understandably, your mom is being emotional, and you and your brother are likely to be emotional, too. This is hard on everyone. The trick is to try not to tamp down the emotion and veer too far into practicality (ironically typed the first-born Capricorn daughter). Your mom likely needs you to lean into the emotion with her and understand from her point of view before you can help her see it from yours.
I know it’s hard, but a few sessions where you just nod, agree and hug her may get you closer to helping her than diving in with solutions and checklists.
Once she sees you as allies and not enemies of what she wants, you can help her start imagining what the next step looks like so it’s not so scary. Give her some examples of her friends who have downsized, which has freed them up to travel and do more things. Involve her in the decision-making and have her tour a few condos or retirement communities as an exploratory so she can start to see what she likes and doesn’t like. Also, it is likely overwhelming for her. trying to imagine how to pack up 40 years of memories.
Help her understand how you, your brother, and other family members can help her. You might even consider engaging professional organizers or an experienced realtor who can help her make the decisions.
Maybe have her grandchildren create a digital scrapbook of the home and its memories and celebrate her life with your father. This can be a beautiful way to preserve their history while allowing her to embrace a new beginning.
More than anything, you need to take your patience pills and maybe mother her for a bit; she’s probably earned it. It will be tough, but take comfort in knowing your mom is being well taken care of with you on her side.
All the best to you and your family,
Lisa and the BREL team
No BS. No Fridge Magnets. No Such Thing as a Bad Question.
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