My Parents Have Money But Hate Spending It. Meanwhile, Their House is Falling Apart Around Them. When and How Can I Intervene?

Dear HOMEROOM,

My parents have money but hate spending it. Meanwhile, their house is falling apart around them.

I’m tired of listening to them complain and then watching them take no action. When and how can I intervene?

– Scrooge’s Daughter

Ah yes, Mom (aka Penny Wise) and Dad (aka Pound Foolish). May we know them, may we love them, and may we aspire never to be them. That said, there is something to be said for trying to understand them and give them a new way of looking at home maintenance. If your parents have the financial means but are reluctant to spend on their home’s upkeep, it’s important to approach the situation tactfully. Here are some strategies to help you intervene effectively:

1. Start with a Maintenance Budget

Suggest creating an annual home maintenance budget. Frame it as a way to keep spending predictable and manageable. For instance, a $1,500 repair might feel overwhelming when viewed in isolation, but as part of a $5,000 annual budget, it’s easier to accept. This perspective can help them see repairs as planned expenses rather than burdensome surprises.

2. Bring in an Expert Opinion

Arrange for a trusted realtor to evaluate their home’s current value and explain how maintenance impacts property worth. Hearing from a professional may add weight to the discussion. A realtor can highlight how a well-maintained home retains or even grows in value, whereas neglect can lead to significant loss over time—something your parents might find compelling.

3. Make the Health Connection

Draw a parallel between their health and the house’s condition. Explain how maintaining their home is like taking care of themselves—it requires regular attention and investment to keep things running smoothly. Just as diet, exercise, and medications help them stay active and happy, timely repairs and upkeep keep their home livable and valuable.

4. Appeal to Their Pride and Sentimentality

Remind them of how proud they’ve been of their home over the years. It’s the place where they raised a family and created lasting memories. Help them see that maintaining it now honors that legacy. A small amount of care today can preserve the home’s charm and comfort for years to come.

Approach the conversation with patience and empathy (I recommend pre/post-game beverages), focusing on how these steps benefit them. Highlighting the practical, financial, and emotional advantages of investing in their home may help them overcome their reluctance.

All the best,

HOMEROOM

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