Dear HOMEROOM,

I’m 62, married, and living in the same large, five-bedroom home my wife and I raised our family in. It’s a beautiful house with a big yard, and, no surprise, I’m tired of mowing lawns and shoveling snow. 

Here’s the thing: our youngest is about to graduate from university. I thought this would finally be our chance to sell the house, simplify our lives, and use the extra money to start travelling—something we’ve discussed for years. But recently, my wife’s had a change of heart. She’s grown attached to the idea of keeping the house “just in case” one of the kids decides to move back home.

We’re at an impasse. I love my kids, but I don’t want to be tied down by the weight of a home we don’t need, especially if it’s just sitting there for a “maybe” scenario. 

I’m feeling stuck and, frankly, a bit exasperated. How do I convince her this is the right time for us without causing more tension?

– A Dad at a Crossroads

First off, pour yourself a coffee (or something stronger—no judgement) because we’re about to get deep. The “maybe they’ll come back” concern is common among parents and it’s loaded with love, nostalgia, and maybe a touch of worry about the future. But, like you said, the upkeep is real—and it sounds like you’re starting to feel more like a caretaker than a homeowner.

Let’s address the elephant in the room: that five-bedroom home isn’t just a house—it’s a time capsule of first steps, family dinners, and holiday memories. Your wife isn’t just holding onto bricks and mortar; she’s holding onto the safety net she’s spent decades weaving for your family. That’s completely valid.

But here’s where everyone needs to be pragmatic: maintaining a large family home “just in case” is like keeping a minivan after the kids’ soccer days are over—it’s expensive nostalgia. Considering you purchased your home decades ago, you’re likely sitting on significant equity that could be working much harder for your retirement dreams than it is funding endless maintenance.

Here’s what I suggest: start by having an open, pressure-free talk with your wife about your vision for the next few years. Skip the “we need to move” argument for now and focus on what you both want from this stage in life. Remind her of the dreams you both had to travel and experience more freedom, and share your worries about being overwhelmed with house maintenance as you get older. See if she’s open to exploring a “right-size” option that might feel like less of a downgrade and more like a smart transition.

1. Play “Pretend”: Spend a weekend afternoon or two visiting open houses in your favourite neighbourhoods – the areas where you’ve always loved spending time. Afterwards, find a cozy table at a nearby restaurant and wax poetic about your future (maybe this spot will become your new local?). Consider looking at some modern, well-located condos and townhouses with 2-3 bedrooms. This way, you’re not eliminating the possibility of hosting family—just redefining it.

2. Call in an expert and run the numbers: It’s never too early to enlist a realtor for a current market evaluation of your home (ideally someone with lots of experience helping downsizers like yourself). Compare it against potential downsizing options. Sometimes seeing the financial reality—including how much extra cash you’d have for travel and experiences—can help shift emotional perspectives. Plus, you really should know if what you are proposing to your wife is feasible before you start advocating for it.

3. Test drive the lifestyle: Consider renting for six months or a year while you try living in a smaller space. It’s a low-commitment way to see if downsizing suits you both. Yes, it will temporarily be an additional expense, but it may help you avoid making a costly mistake. Go watch Father of the Bride Part II and pay close attention to the scene where George writes a cheque for $100,000 to buy back the home he only sold the day before.

4. Address the “what if” factor: Instead of keeping a five-bedroom insurance policy, consider setting aside some of the proceeds from the sale specifically for helping your kids if they need it—whether that’s for rent, down payment assistance, or other support. There may even be some tax benefits to doing so.

Remember: you’re not choosing between supporting your kids and living your life—you’re figuring out how to do both best. The family home served its purpose beautifully, but like those minivan days, it’s okay to move on to the next chapter.

Cheers to your next chapter!

the BREL team

PS…we have several seasoned travelers on our team. Let us know if you need suggestions (Argentina is a popular destination at the moment).

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