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HOMEROOM
A Weekly Advice Column from the BREL team.
October 17, 2024
Dear HOMEROOM,
My girlfriend and I are buying a house together. We’ve only been dating for a year, but we’re both in our mid-thirties and know what we want. I will be covering most of the down payment, and we will be splitting the closing costs.
I feel good about us and about this decision, but I want to be smart about it. How do I protect myself if things between us go south?
– Frugal U-Hauler
The answer to this week’s HOMEROOM is thanks to Ashton Childs – First-Time Buyer Expert, elder millennial, and resident gay lady.
Dear Frugal U-Hauler,
Ah – the classic U-Haul. I’m a big fan. I took the leap into buying a house together 14 years ago, and somewhere along the line, my girlfriend became my wife!
You’re smart to think of the what-ifs, especially regarding something as big as home ownership. Many people dive into these big life decisions fueled by the excitement of new love and forget to bring their brains along for the ride. We were not as on the ball as you are; honestly, we are lucky it worked out so well. So, you’re already ahead of the game!
These conversations might feel yucky, but they’re important to have, and why not now while you’re in the ‘honeymoon phase’?
So, make (or order) a nice dinner, pour yourselves a glass of wine, and get comfy. It’s time for you to do what we should have done 14 years ago: have an honest and level-headed conversation about what happens if you split.
Here’s the deal: buying a house together is like getting financially married without the cake, fancy outfits, or the legal safety net. If things between you two don’t pan out, you’ll still have to figure out what happens to this big, expensive asset. That’s why it’s super important to have everything in writing *before* you sign on the dotted line.
To protect yourself, start with a cohabitation agreement. Think of it as a prenup for your property.
It lays out who owns what, who’s responsible for what, and what happens if the relationship ends. Since you’re putting in most of the down payment, you’ll want it to spell out how the equity is divided if you break up. If you don’t put this in writing, a 50/50 split is the default in many places—even if you paid more. Not ideal, right?
You also need to think about the mortgage. Are you both going on the title and the mortgage or just one of you? If you’re both on it, you’re equally responsible for the debt, regardless of how much you contribute. So, if things go sideways, and one of you stops paying, the other is still on the hook. More reason to spell out the specifics now.
Go ahead and have that slightly uncomfortable conversation now, because it’ll save you a ton of potential heartache (and possibly money) later. Plus, if you’re both in your mid-thirties and know what you want, this is the grown-up move.
Bottom line: Protecting yourself doesn’t mean you don’t trust your girlfriend—it just means you trust that life’s unpredictable, and you’re making sure you both have a clear and fair roadmap in case things change.
I get that it’s not exactly romantic to bring up breakups while you’re shopping for throw pillows, but clear communication is key here. If you’re both as serious about your future as you are about your house, then you should be able to tackle this head-on.
At the end of the day, you’re making a smart investment—in real estate *and* in your relationship—by having these tough conversations early. And if everything works out? Well, you’ll have laid a solid foundation (both literally and figuratively) for your future together.
Good luck you crazy kids!
Ashton
No BS. No Fridge Magnets. No Such Thing as a Bad Question.
HOMEROOM delivers straightforward advice and guidance from the BREL team. We’re using our deep real estate knowledge and experience to answer your burning questions.
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