No Fridge Magnets. No BS. No Such Thing as a Bad Question.
HOMEROOM
A Weekly Real Estate Advice Column from the BREL team.
November 21, 2024
Dear HOMEROOM,
I’m a realtor and have been working with this couple for a few weeks. They say they want to buy their first home together, but it feels like every appointment begins and ends with an argument.
Some days, I feel more like a referee than a realtor. I’m honestly wondering if they will break up before they find a home they can agree on.
Am I wasting my time with them?
– 15 Yards for Unsportsmanlike Conduct
Dear 15 Yards for Unsportsmanlike Conduct,
Buying a first home together is like having every “where should we eat dinner?” argument rolled into one massive, mortgage-sized decision. It’s high-stakes, emotional, and forces people to confront big questions about their future. So, no, you’re not crazy for wondering if they’ll survive this. But whether they do or don’t isn’t entirely your business—it’s how you help them navigate the process that matters.
Here’s the thing – the fact that they’re comfortable enough to bicker in front of you? That’s actually a good sign. They trust you enough to let their guard down. You’re getting the unfiltered version, which means you can truly understand their needs, fears, and deal-breakers. Would you rather they play nice and ghost you after six months of showings?
What you’re witnessing is only one small piece of their relationship. Behind closed doors, they might be perfectly functional—or maybe not—but you’re not their couples’ therapist. What you are is their guide through a really challenging process. That’s your lane, so stay in it.
Now, let’s talk about your role. Being a realtor isn’t just about showing houses and closing deals. You’ve already realized that. On any given day, we wear a dozen hats: therapist, mediator, financial advisor, project manager, life coach—the list goes on. Sometimes, that means dealing with the messier sides of people’s lives. But—and this is a big but—you can’t want this more than they do. If they’re not ready to compromise, they’re not ready to buy.
They must find common ground to move forward. You’ll need to address that gently but firmly. Ask open-ended questions to guide them toward clarity. Keep showing them properties, but set some boundaries. Structure your showings more tightly, perhaps with a pre-agreed checklist of must-haves they both sign off on. This can help focus their energy on the property rather than their differences.
You’re in this business for the long haul, and building relationships is key. Even if this couple implodes mid-transaction, they’ll remember how you handled it. If you show patience, empathy, and professionalism now, they’re more likely to return when ready—or send their friends your way. Either way, your reputation wins.
So, are you wasting your time? Probably not—unless you stick around too long when it’s clear they’re not ready. Be their guide, not their babysitter. Help them focus, set boundaries where you need to, and remember: this is part of the job, even when it’s messy. And hey, if they do break up? You might have two new clients instead of one. Silver linings.
Hang in there,
The BREL team
No BS. No Fridge Magnets. No Such Thing as a Bad Question.
HOMEROOM delivers straightforward advice and guidance from the BREL team. We’re using our deep real estate knowledge and experience to answer your burning questions.
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